The Banoffee Nunnery Party Is Going To Save The World
Now, long time readers of my columns will probably be well aware of my… is disdain too weak a word? Maybe outright hatred would be better… of the BNP. I don’t just think people shouldn’t vote for them, I think that the entire party should be banned and made illegal along with any other political party that promotes specific segregation of certain groups of people from a country. And no, I don’t care that this would be against freedom of speech. There are, in point of fact, few things I care less about.
However, there’s already an almost inexhaustible supply of “bloggers” (I hate that expression) waxing lyrical about how terrible the BNP is and how people should vote for pointless pansy-assed parties like the greens and so on and so forth, so what I thought I’d do instead is to write something about one of their policies that I find particularly hilarious.
According to the Big Nipple Party’s website, which can be viewed here, they do actually have some policies other than the ejection of all people with skin darker than “Almost Oyster” on the Dulux colour chart. If you click on the “environment” section of the policies tab, you’ll see the top item, which is a little silly. Apparently the party will invoke “the removal of unsightly overhead power lines from beauty spots and their burial underground.” I have one or two problems with this.
Uncharacteristically, I’ve done a little research into this matter.
The total length of the national grid network, comprising the high, medium and low voltage grids, is about 16,497 miles, or 26,550 kilometres in Roman Catholic. Now obviously that entire distance isn’t ‘beauty spot’, but you have to agree, that’s a FUCKING long way. A fucking long way that would have to be dug up, have tunnels lowered into the resulting trenches by massive cranes which would have to get there first, be filled in with whatever was available, and then have the necessary number of cables needed to transmit the massive amount of electricity we’re talking about fed through them. Oh and then I suppose there’d be the issue of disconnecting the above ground cabling, removing it, and then demolishing and taking away the pylons. To me, this seems like a bit of a silly pipe dream.
I haven’t been able to find any figures as to how much the national grid cost to install back when it was completed in 1938, so, in order to make the Bunion Norbert Party look silly, I’m going to make up a number. The original national grid, when completed in 1938, cost just shy of £840 billion (that’s a British billion, just to keep them happy) to install, which is, in today’s money, about £12.2 trillion, which is almost 15 times this country’s entire national debt.
To be honest, I can’t see it working.
Not to worry though, cause the Bendy Nihilist Party has about as much chance of getting into government as I would. If I was dead. And decomposed. And didn’t stand in the election.
