What’s All This Shouting, We’ll Have No Trouble Here!
I understand there’s some kind of election coming up.
Now, I’m not entirely sure whether I’ll be voting, and that sure as hell isn’t out of apathy. Anyone who’s read more than one of my pieces will be abundantly aware of my opinions regarding, for example, the Bendy Nihilist Party, whose voters I personally feel should be forced to undergo some kind of political re-education course, possibly involving a slide made out of razor blades and scorpions, or for another example, the “Christian Party- Proclaiming Christ’s Lordship”, my opinion of which can be seen below.
See?
However, there does seem to be light at the end of the poo-filled tunnel of death and trapped wind-related pain that is how I experience political upheaval in this country. Unfortunately, it’s a very dim light, which is soon to be snuffed out by idiotic denial, twattish twattery, or a combination of the two. That light is the Liberal Democrat party.
Oh, boo, poor show, you’re now all calling. Nick Clegg, the man without a personality, and Vince Cable, who sounds like a mascot for a telegram company? Well fuck you. Fuck you with bells on. The media, my ultimate nemesis, is once again responsible for this. Why can’t they just grow up and accept that he’s a reasonable politician, and the only person who’s likely to lead this country into anything other than a shitstorm of Wagnerian proportions.
There are three kinds of people who will vote for the Conservative party; people who liked the Thatcher administration and imagine that somehow David “Just A Normal Bloke Really” Fortescue Pepperingham Cameron the Fifth will be exactly the same, people who’ve believed his bollocks-o-vision billboards and believe him to be the only viable alternative to Brown, and finally people who are just pricks and will perpetually vote conservative because they believe that their leadership will restore Britain to the state it was just after we’d finished tidying up after the war. Meanwhile, the same people who always vote for Labour will probably vote Labour again this time, for the same reason they give every fucking time. “They’ve got our best interests at heart.” Well that may be true, but they don’t have them in their mind, do they?
No, this election is largely pointless, and in my mind serves only as a block to keep Nick “Cunt” Griffin out of office for another 5 years. But wouldn’t it be something if we had our first election that was decided by intelligent, informed decisions, rather than your opinion of the smart-suited young chap who comes to your door telling you that the way forward is a political party whose name means they want to keep things the way they are? We can hope. But that’s probably all we can do, isn’t it?
Bollocks it is. Vote Liberal Democrat and let’s see if we can make some fucking progress in this country.
Because We Can't Be Stupid Forever
Red, you know the electoral system in the UK is fucked just as much as anyone else. Thus any vote for the Lib Dems greatly increases the chances of Labour retaining power. Firstly, in that it removes a vote from the only numerically viable opposition, the Conservatives, and secondly in that in the event of a hung parliament, they’ll side up with Labour, who’ll just storm the show anyway.
It’s a crappy situation full of wankers and liars. But the saddest truth of it is that the Tory ads are right, the only vote that might change who’s in charge is one for the Conservatives.